father: jeez, your room upstairs is a mess! were you born in a barn?
pig: *snicker* yes
father: quit it! you know what i mean! your room is a pigsty
pig: *snicker* duh
father: don't talk back to me! do you realize how hungry i am? and how much i LOVE pig-related food products?
pig: ok ok, i get it. don't have a *snicker* pig
father (holding pan): get. in. this. pan. right. now.
My parents have never threatened to consume me as a punishment. I should consider myself lucky (to not be a pig).
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Feels like it's been a while since I've been up this early on a weekend. I usually spend every weekend destroying my sleep schedule.