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Resolutions

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graph guy: it was my new year's resolution to eat better and be healthy. but being happier was a resolution too! graph guy: but... eating unhealthy foods makes me happy! those two resolutions conflict! AH! what have i done?! graph guy: this is tough! what am i supposed to do?! wait. i know i have a graph for this somewhere *graph* x axis: caloric content of meal y axis: overall life happiness line is a hump with a peak at a certain point graph guy: the magical data point does exist! therefore i must find it! *soon* graph guy: yes, triple cheeseburger, but replace the lettuce with bacon and replace the buns with double bacon cheeseburgers. worker: nice graph guy (holding burger): yes, this quest will be a delicious one!

I hope all of you out there are achieving your New Year’s resolutions!

 

  • Jim

    I can feel my veins clogging up as I read this.

  • Hmm… while (buns = cheeseburgers), wouldn't this create an infinitely stacked burger of burgers? Or am I reading too much into it…

    • A dangerous place to be! Only one iteration of the instructions will be allowed for this burger, for safety reasons.

    • Mathieu

      Technically it went triple to double. I think we've got a for loop.
      for (i = 3; i > 0; i–)

  • I make the smart decision and don't have new years resolutions.

    • Visible Toast

      I am going to worship this statement for the rest of my life now

  • ALWS

    So that's basically the point where "Bee Happy" meets "Bee Healthy"… have you tried breakfast cereals?

  • John

    I would like to think the graph would have three humps:
    The first being the "smug hump" attributed to feeling smug that you've eaten less today than your peers (all of which presumably are about to get "faaaaaat~").
    The second being the "Goldilocks hump", for eating just the right amount of food for homeostasis,
    And finally the "achievement unlocked hump", for being totally bad-ass and eating all those burritos/hotdogs/brains

    Of course, in real life, that calorific nirvana we all strive for is a moving target. As an anorexic girl purges, she also expels all reason and logic behind embarking on a calorific-deficit in the first place. The more the fat man eats, the further he gets from ever feeling fully satiated, until eventually Type II diabetes catches up with him and he goes supernova on the pavement and explodes.

    So to seekers of the magical data point I say, eat fast – die happy! 😀

  • hydrocow

    This is the first step to the dodeca-down isn't it.