The Search
  • FR_web

    I used to be absolutely self-confident about my handshakes and never have any reason to worry. Correct firmness, correct duration, affirmative half-smile, all good.

    Until, one day, I was walking towards someone important to shake hands and underestimated my velocity. Our hands did not exactly meet but ended up in a quite awkward knot. It would have been strange to fondle for a correct handshake position so we kinda let go. It felt extremely awkward and I didn't dare look at said important person. Ever since them he's giving me the weird look.

    And even worse, ever since then I am extremely nervous this might happen again, so instead of looking into the person's eye I will stare at our approaching hands and make sure the maneuver goes well. That's how you earn your self an oppresive-compulsive disorder … and more weird looks.

  • Elliott

    "Handshake Consultant" t-shirt please!

    • If enough of you want one, I can make it happen =) Just let me know.

      • jackdawson1010

        Want. So much want. Like too much want. It isn't funny how much want I have for that shirt.

      • loopadoopzoop

        Vote!

  • Squii

    As a 19 year old female with major awkward-person issues, I have rarely had to shake anyone's hand. But when I do, and they stick their hand out, it takes me a good second to realise what's happening and put my hand out and try to figure out how to shake hands like a normal person. I am not sure how satisfactory my handshake is, but if it's anything like I suspect my kissing must be like, it probably isn't the greatest.
    That's too much information isn't it.

    • As long as you don't go for a kiss when you should be shaking hands and vice versa, you should be ok =)

      • Dan

        Kissing someones hand might be all well and good in the appropriate situation, but shaking someones lips just never seems to go over well. I never know if you're supposed to grip the lips from the outside or shove your hand into their mouth, and if so, how far. Either way they never seem to look at you the same ever again.

  • JHYW

    Secret panel absolutely makes this strip! I think I could definitely make a living as a handshake consultant, you know. One of the things I pride myself on is a good firm handshake.

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  • Joey

    When in doubt, squeeze harder.

    • Hank

      Unfortunately, crushing someone's hand does not compel them to respect you. Often they end of resenting you.

  • Otto Bob Otto

    Handshake Consultant T. I'd buy it.

  • His problem was that all he did at the career fair is shake hands. No resumes, no introductions, poor guy just went around shaking everyone's hands.
    On the plus side, now he's a PRO.

  • ActualHuman

    I'll show him by not making a salary! Ha!

  • Carina

    *weak

    Wow.

  • Carina

    I generally hate shaking hands (as a ritual, I just don't like it… I've known too many people who shake hands when a hug is more appropriate and vice versa…), but when I do, if the other person has a week handshake, my respect for him or her automatically drops. I can't help it. I'm like Hank Hill.

    • Hank

      Just as long as you give them a chance. Make sure you're not grabbing their fingers before their hand has fully slid in shake. Also, if they don't squeeze very hard you could offer to teach them. Maybe they've never had a good Southern shake.

    • ActualHuman

      You've had someone shake your hand for a week? Wow. That's a short hand shake.

    • Bob

      I heard the handshake was instituted by gun fighters to establish sort of a pecking order, combined with a subliminal threat, while showing off their trigger finger muscles.

  • Clarissa

    Pro-tip: invest in some baoding balls for hand strength training. They're usually less than $15, including shipping. I'm a bass player so I use my hand strength for things other than totally impressing people, but for a teenage girl I give one hell of a firm handshake. I'm a big handshake fan.

  • AnitaBath

    I'm a girl who probably looks like she'd have a pretty timid handshake, but apparently my handshake is pretty strong (and awesome). People always underestimate me and then are all shocked when I shake their hand like some forty-year-old seasons businessman. I'll chalk it up to those 500 Baptist church services I went to growing up, when the pastor took five minutes out of the service for everyone to go around and shake hands.

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  • Commedia 2X00

    That second pulse of gripping may have been a test to see if you were a fellow Freemason, Elk, or Bonesman.

  • Sarah

    I hate handshakes. Just another way for people to judge each other on something arbitrary.

    I once started doing firmer handshakes, but it just shocked people. Apparently, I'm too meek looking to pull it off 😛

  • Prodel

    Reminds me of something John would go into… too bad there's that gap between websites.